S-E-X in Marriage

I am a believer in marriage. I am also a believer in sex in marriage. It is safe to say I enjoy the man I married. And that's as personal as I plan to get when discussing sex in my marriage.

So, let's talk about sex in your marriage.

In November 2008, a pastor in the DFW area, Ed Young, proposed the idea - "Want a stronger Marriage?? Have sex for seven straight days." I've read others articles on the subject. Douglas and Annie Brown wrote a book  about their experience titled "Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!)". The topic has come up a few times with friends and other ladies.

Some of the main things I've heard when talking to other ladies about the 7 day challenge:

• "I can go without it."
• "Not sure if I could do it twice a week, much less everyday."
• "If I started initiating sex everyday, my husband would first be shocked, then wonder what I did wrong or what I wanted."
• "We are a twice a month couple. We don't have time for more than that."
• "You can see how often we have sex. I got the kids to prove it."
• "Sex is a chore. Really?? Every day...for a week?!?!?"
• "I think it's a great idea!"
• "Seriously?? I barely have the energy to do the things I need to do. That is the last thing on my mind."

To be honest, I was a little shocked by some of the responses. What is frightening to me is these are young ladies between the ages of 25 and 30 who have been married between 2 and 7 years. These are not women in their 50s. These are not women who have been married to the same man for 20+ years. These are not menopausal women. These are fertile, tone, beautiful women in their prime! Not some wrinkled up 300 pound lady with hips wider than the door. These are desirable women. So why don't they desire their husbands? Why don't they desire sex with the man they married?

I am certain that they all love their husbands. I am certain that they would fight to the bitter end to save their marriage. I am also certain they are missing out on a beautiful activity with their life partner that God gave us to enjoy within our marriage.

But WHY are they missing out??

Does their husband treat them like a prostitute?? You know - doesn't have any physical or emotional contact with their spouse until they are in bed and the lights are out. Then the dude is like this crazed, possessed sex hungry person. Ummm - for the record men - that don't work so well. We are women. If you drive a diesel engine truck, then you know the importance of warming the engine up. If you don't warm up the engine, the truck doesn't perform so well.

Does the lady have body image issues?? Did she lose alot of weight or gain alot of weight?? Is she just flat out uncomfortable??  I think this plays a role in sexual satisfaction and enjoyment. If she is uncomfortable or can't "let go", then she isn't truly being intimate. To get personal - I've been this girl. I've been the girl that just couldn't let go for fear of looking silly or weird or crazy or fat or whatever else you can think of. So I understand not being able to relax and "let go". And let me tell you what I've learned - if your man  truly loves you, he doesn't care if you are fat, skinny, white, tanned, noisy, quite, or whatever other hangup you have. He simply wants you to enjoy yourself and to enjoy him. And when you let go, I promise you will be willing to take up the challenge for longer than 7 days.

Are you flat out worn out by the time your head hits the pillow?? Have you chased your tail all day long and the last thing you want to chase is your husband's tail?? I can see how this is a issue. I have a 14 month old. I know what tired is all about. Heck, I'm also almost 4 months pregnant with a 14 month old and a full time job. I get what "tired" is all about. It is a sacrifice to make time for the man you love. And sometimes sleep comes first. But I think sometimes your man needs to come first. And what a sacrifice it is. But a worthy one. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared. I don't want to be the once a week gal. I wanna be the one that desires her husband daily. I don't want to be the woman that would do anything for her husband to kiss her "just because". I want to be the woman who's husband does kiss her "just because". I don't want my husband to think I've lost my mind if I initiate sex 7 days a week. I want his to think I've lost my mind if i don't.

So, during Sunday School this past Sunday, I gave out this article to our class. It's titled "Reclaiming Sex as a Spiritual Act". It refers to a challenge to his congregation by Ed Young. Some ladies blushed. Others quickly folded their paper and placed in their Sunday school book. Others were like "go Jac!". Who knows what will happen.

Maybe some will take the challenge and have a stronger marriage or more intimate relationship with their spouse.

Maybe we will have a baby boom at church. (Wouldn't that be something?!? Ha!)

My only goal is that we embrace our marriages and our spouses. That we do have stronger marriages. That we as Christians enjoy a beautiful gift that God gave married individuals. That we begin to put our spouses first, and not our children, jobs, or hobbies.

If you are interested in more information on the 7 day challenge (or the 100 days), search the "7 day challenge" on google. You can also find more information at these sites and blogs:

• 30 Day Sex Challenge
• ONE Extraordinary Marriage - These folks have an eBook titled "Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in your Marriage". (I have not read it. I am not saying buying it. I am simply offering additional information.)

And if you want to hear another opinion on Ed Young's challenge to his congregation, this guy looks at the message a little differently. And some sentences made me laugh out loud. Others made me scratch my head. But you know me - it never hurts to look at the other side of the coin, even if the opinion is a little different.

Please know that I am not a sex therapist. I do not have everything in my marriage figured out, including sex. I have not taken a course on sex education. I am not certified with any state board to offer any advise to anyone on any subject.

I am simply a woman who wants to see marriages stronger. And I'm willing to try any suggestion, especially one involving having fum with the man I love. What's the worse that can happen on the 7 day challenge?? I'm already pregnant.